Now pick the second idea – GROWTH.)) There are numerous GR and LR issues in this essay. EXPLAIN the idea before moving to the next idea. (Please note there are better words to express your views. (There is no need to write the last sentence.). So, make sure you read all paragraphs. Moreover, children can learn by use of computers. money it (let us use a pronoun to refer back to money. (EXAMPLE in the last sentence.). Let us combine the two sentences. A child can find an advertisement on the Internet about a job offer or he or she can make a resume and place it on the Internet. Finally, computer skills can help a child to find his or her first job. LR issue.) A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. (TEACHES and ENABLES follows the Rules of Parallelism. Unlike money, other presents (such as?) – 2) because they act as a token to remember and prevent the teenagers to from misuse money. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. With the a rapid change in fashion, for instance, it is hard to estimate (estimate is used for things that can be quantified.) Hi Kuldeep, please drop me a mail at eltecielts@gmail.com and I will share the procedure. Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. (TEACHES and ENABLES follows the Rules of Parallelism.). (EXPLANATION in the next two sentences) For instance, my sister accumulated the gifted money for several years to purchase a piano and now she is a famous musician. Also, it is difficult to guess someone’s choice and requirement at a particular time. The point is. ( Log Out /  ( Log Out /  Tagged as: answer correction, correction, Essay Checking, essay writing, gift, IELTS, IELTS essay correction, IELTS essay correction India, IELTS task 2, IELTS writing, money, money best gift, teenagers. Some individuals believe that cash is the most appropriate present for the (Wrong use of the. To conclude, although money benefits teenagers in many numerous/ umpteen (Use better and more appropriate words) ways, but (Wrong construction: The correct construction is Although X, Y. can always recall (Presents can’t recall. Also, many teenagers are unable to handle more (MORE doesn’t convey anything here.) Firstly, they can buy (purchase) anything (items/ goods) according to their wishlist. What is the nature of effect? On the other hand, I think that gifts other than money (= non-monetary gifts) are more beneficial for the teenagers. (Let us re-write the sentence: Unlike money, presents such as a toy have emotional value as they help a person recall valuable memories. the memories and are (parallelism issue. Firstly, they can purchase items according to their wishlist. You should write at least 250 words Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. Wrong word choice. … the money that my dad gave me …..) money as a gift due to various reasons. To conclude, I believe that children should learn how to use a computer because this knowledge will help them in the future to be more self-confident and enterprising. Your email address to learn amazing IELTS and PTE English. Moreover, there are plenty different kinds of educational programs that can help children learn how to read, write, draw and even how to behave and speak a foreign language. Okay! Personally, I think it is a great experience and a big step forward towards a future career. Can you guess why?) Right?) For example, books and gaming accessories help them to build their cognitive skills and make them physically active. Every year, I always receive a lot of different gifts from my parents, brothers and friends on my birthday. Second of all, computers help children to learn more about anything by use of Internet. You’ve deviated from the topic. (IDEA EXPLAINED. This will build cohesion in your answer), (this needs to be an adjective. You’ve deviated from the topic. I opened it. beneficial for the a (article mistake. In the following paragraphs, I will give my reasons to support my answer. While appreciate means expressing gratitude for something, appreciable means something significant (huge, considerable). Please read my article on the Rules of Parallelism. IELTS Essay Correction: Money Is The Best Gift. IELTS Essay Evaluation: Advantages And Disadvantages Of The Internet. This is maybe (1) they can buy anything of their choice and learn money-saving skills. See – 3.) "IELTS Sample Answer & IELTS Preparation". 3. …. Wrong word choice. ), (Wrong construction: The correct construction is, (let us use a pronoun to refer back to money. IELTS Letter Evaluation: A Problem At Work. Change ). Plus, you’ve mentioned an idea but you’ve not explained it. I think that in our modern world it is quite essential to be familiar with computer technology. Teenagers usually have a wishlist that they rarely share with their parents. This website uses cookies to ensure that you get the best user experience on our website. EXPLAIN the idea before moving to the next idea. (Can you guess why these are incorrect? IELTS Essay Evaluation: Year Off Between School And University. Learn how your comment data is processed. IELTS Essay Correction: Money Is The Best Gift. They act as a bond, for example, between parents and children, and between siblings. Plus, you’ve mentioned an idea but you’ve not explained it. Also, it will not score well on TR since you’ve not developed the arguments. What gift would you give to help a child develop? IELTS Essay Evaluation: Music Vs Science in Schools. It was a thick book. Be very specific while writing an example: With rapidly changing fashion trends, for instance, it is hard to judge whether a teenager prefers a plain jean or a ripped one. You are not talking about SPECIFIC teenagers – the teenagers in the age group of 11 to 13.) This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why do you think that is? Let us discuss.) A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. Let us combine the two sentences. I hope you will love it”. Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. IELTS Essay Correction: Give Gifts To Show Care. ), 1. It is a quality of. All rights reserved. Humans can.) 4. Teenagers usually have a wishlist that they rarely share with their parents. Unlike money, presents such as a toy have emotional value as they help a person recall valuable memories.